It's been 2012 for about 4 1/2 hours here on the East coast. This is the first New Years I didn't watch the ball drop. I spend it sitting a desk in the back office of my work....alone...in tears. I'm fully aware that life isn't fair and that I'm an adult so I need to do adult things...but my God, it feels awful. I try so much to figure out what is so amazing about growing up and the older I get, the more I realize that answer is, nothing. So of course I then try to pinpoint the problem....like,"Is there something wrong with me?" Which of course, leads to nothing but second guessing, and even more questions that do nothing but leave you more stumped. Those are the times when you need an OFF button on your brain....or I need one.
Be honest, you have that one friend that just goes on and on about how happy she is and how perfect her life is. Now be really honest...all you want to do it beat her over the head with a bat. But why do we feel like that? Is it because we're jealous or simply because we don't believe her. All my friends seem happy but are they faking? Do we all fake being happy, even if it's just a little bit sometimes? Maybe that's why I tend to not believe others when they say they are happy because, in my mind, no one can be THAT happy.
Yet we sit across from a friend while out at lunch and say,"Things are great right now." Do we always mean it or do we have to say it because that's what adults do? We aren't children anymore therefore we have to act the grown up part. We can't cry and stomp our feet on the floor because someone was mean to us at work. Instead we have to act professional and let the drama roll off our backs. In my opinion, the kids are on to something.
Now that I got that out..... I apologize for the rant. Hmm, I feel like all my posts are rants lately. Sounds weird, but the past month I've had this deep underlying feeling of anger. I've been angry at people mostly. Not sure why, maybe this stems with the fact that I quit smoking 3 weeks ago. Hell, if I'm going to just be an angry hag maybe I should pick up a pack. Oh wait, I can't anyways because I'm broke LOL.
I need the city...that always makes me feel better. Operation Boston commence....